Strange Virginia Man Pretends to Care About Nevadans

Strange Virginia Man Pretends to Care About Nevadans

“Nevada doesn’t know Adam from Adam, cause he ain’t from around here.”

A Virginia man named Adam Laxalt has become the Republican nominee for governor of Nevada. After living here for a few months, and maybe confusing some people with his last name, Adam decided he could really make it big in this new place by becoming its top political leader. Ah heck, why not?

Not having spent much time in Nevada, Adam Laxalt is relying on some really smart advisers to tell him what he should care about to convince the voters into thinking he’s one of them. In fact, he’s heard tell that Nevadans are not happy with the current state of education in the Silver State.

While Adam was all too happy to put in his two cents on the subject, his carefully crafted message detailed absolutely nothing about his plan, other than how it’s good and “significant.” Of course being a Trumpateer, he wasn’t going to go on about “academic” success, code words for cosmopolitan elites. His plan would have to appeal to the blue collar man that Trump seems to have mezemorized with his shiny gold building on the Las Vegas strip. No, Adam Laxalt’s plan aims to help people looking for training on how to build stuff with their hands! Because Murica MFs!

As noted by our esteemed colleagues at the Nevada Independent, the Nevada Legislature had already passed legislation for more funding for these types of programs. But like rape kits that were put into place by the legislature, Adam Laxalt is looking to be the one to take the credit for the hard work of others who are actually from Nevada. And while he couldn’t afford us of any “details” about how he’ll fund, how much he’ll fund, or what the unsaid amount of money will go towards, Adam wants people who are actually from Nevada to know he really cares about them A LOT!

A potential challenge for Adam Laxalt might be the outright refusal of support from the current and very popular governor, Brian Sandoval, who is also a Republican. With friends like these…some wonder how Adam stays strong. Perhaps it’s all that slowmotion jogging he does, judging from commercials he’s been blasting over the airwaves funded by cash from other people not from Nevada.

Nevadans will have to choose between the Virginia man who thinks people deemed innocent of crimes should still remain in prison, Adam Laxalt, and Democrat Steve Sisolak, who has actually spent a great deal of time in Nevada, since like before I was born. Dissecting all this information can be hard on the average voters though. Either the tribalism of party, or the constant mental gymnastics of Laxalt’s attack ads might just convince enough people to vote for him. Or its possible that people actually care about Nevada and will do some research and make an informed decision when they vote. Hey, one can always be a dreamer.

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Justin McAffee
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3 Comments

  • Linda Cavazos
    August 31, 2018, 6:03 am

    Good job, Justin!

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  • Stephanie
    September 2, 2018, 2:59 pm

    Nice piece! It is my sincere hope that Nevada’s voters take a good long look at their options and challenge those that want the responsibility of being governor to actually outline what they stand for and what that means for Nevada.

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